Equality

I can hardly begin to express my frustration, but let me take a crack at it. The California Supreme effing Court just doesn't get it. How is it possible that the Supreme Court of California has decided that the ban on same sex marriage is constitutional? This isn't about people voted on it and I should just deal with it. This is about people voting on rights, which should be disallowed in the first place. 

Murderers are allowed to get married. Murderers. People who take the lives of others. People who willingly and knowingly strip people of their right to live and breath...those people can get married, but me, no I can't. And I'm tired of hearing bullshit arguments of, "Well you can get married, you just have to marry someone of the opposite sex." Well isn't that fancy? 

You can't always get what you want, 

You can't always get what you want,

You can't always get what you want,

But if you try sometimes

You might find

You get what you need. 

~Rolling Stones, of course.

Maybe this loss is just what we need to propel ourselves forward into growth. Maybe this loss is a sign of rampant stagnant behavior in believing that someone else is and will be responsible for making sure my rights are handled neatly and tidily so I don't have to get my proverbial hands dirty. 

---

So that was on Tuesday as the decision was announced. I tend to not act out of anger. It's just how I was raised. It's not about not doing something I'll regret, but taking the best step forward. If I'm angry and haven't processed that part then I tend to not know what the hell I'm talking about and I just spout out silly arguments that sound better in my head than spoken. 

A friend of mine said that the decision was exactly what she expected, but I have to admit that I was a bit disappointed because I really thought that the Court would see that Constitutional rights were being trampled on. I'm still in the midst of processing exactly what the decision means, as far as what action needs to be taken so that I (we) may realize equality in rights around marriage.

There are arguments that state calling it marriage is the whole issue and as long as we (the gays) don't call it marriage, then we can have all the rights we want. There are arguments that state that not calling it marriage keeps a same sex [married] relationship different and somehow less meaningful than a heterosexual marriage by simply changing the word. This argument states that there is a specific connotation that comes with marriage, that connotation being that it's a permanent relationship and unless it's called "marriage" it's just not the same in the public's eye. There are the arguments that marriage ought to be between a man and a woman because that's the way that God intended it. And of course there are countless other arguments around this issue that I could spend all day recounting.

At the moment, I have no problem with calling marriage between same sex couples something other than "marriage" as long as the rights of each institution are equal. My inclination is to believe that no matter what "it" is legally named, it will end up just like Kleenex. If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it must be a duck. So really, call it whatever you want to because to me, it doesn't matter what you think of my relationship--I'm not in it to please you. I'm in it to fulfill myself and my partner in sharing love, growing individually and as a couple, and everything that comes along with those paths.

My relationship with another woman has only the effect on another couple's relationship that they choose to allow it to have. One can choose to see my relationship as one of love and trust and support and partnership and growth and fun and struggle and learning; just like many heterosexual relationships. And of course there are other ways to view my relationship, but to do so is to ignore the truth of what the relationship is: love and growth. 

I challenge anyone who believes that God disapproves of my same sex relationship to look at your own life and address the things that God disapproves in your life and relationship before you go judging mine. I have my own relationship with God, and it doesn't include the judgement anyone else brings.

And as for Prop 8 being upheld, my first thoughts included: "This state sucks!" and, "Maybe it's time to get out of this place," and, "How can this progressive state be so shockingly stand-still?" I'm allowed my initial thoughts to flee. I'm glad I don't act on impulse. Because the reality is that California is a great state. I love living here, and this issue is not enough to get me out of here. And learning takes time. 

I'm willing to be a part of an action that brings California back to a state of grace, back to a place where people can come as they are and simply just be themselves. I am willing to fight for the things I believe in. I am willing to be a part of something greater than myself so that people after me can benefit from things I never had or things I had to struggle for. I hope that someday the GLBT community has the opportunity to take our equal rights for granted, and that we never do. 

On This Day

In light of today's National Protest Against Prop 8:

1969

About 250,000 protesters against the Vietnam War, the largest war protest ever, converged peacefully on Washington, DC.

Now typically I'm not against anything...I'd rather be FOR equal rights than against discrimination...positively speaking. But since they went ahead and made all those fancy posters, let's make today's protest the largest anti-gay discrimination protest ever, and follow suit in converging peacefully across the nation.

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.

~Mother Teresa

Real Quick...

I find myself if a conundrum. Civil rights ought not be voted upon, but the only way to get one of my civil rights back is to vote on it. 

Read this petition to re-open Prop 8

Sign it. 

And put your energy towards being part of a free nation that does not base civil rights on religious beliefs.

Seems Gloria Allred isn't satisfied after the election, either (Advocate.com):

Robin Tyler and Diane Olson, the first plaintiff couple named in the historic lawsuit that overturned California's ban on gay marriage and the first same-sex couple married in Los Angeles County in June, wasted no time filing a new lawsuit with California’s supreme court Wednesday morning.

Read the details here.

And have yourselves a lovely Thursday.

Hope. Change. Open Mind.

Someone in my network wrote this morning that she felt a little less free today. I feel the same way, but quite possibly for very different reasons. She is a McCain supporter, I am an Obama supporter. In all likelihood, she voted yes on Prop 8. I most certainly did not.

The workplace has often provided me with an opportunity to broaden my social network with people I may not have willingly befriended had I simply been handed a list of their life's agenda and personal beliefs.

I understand that people have ideas about what's right and wrong, that we all have the right to our views on such things, and that there will never be 100% agreement on every issue. What one believes is right or wrong does not decipher a good or bad person. The parts only tell some of one's story. The sum of those parts tells the whole story.

If someone looked only at my teenage years, they would see drugs, theft, sex, deceit, lack of motivation to do more good than bad. If someone looked only at those years, they would see a girl in turmoil. A girl who looks like she will never recover from her choices. A girl who ought to be disregarded and deemed a liability to society.

And then comes the growth. The learning. The changes. Slowly but surely, a new person emerges. She begins therapy. She graduates high school. She holds a job. The drugs are gone. The theft is gone. The deceit dwindles to near nothing. The sex is responsible. A shift in motivation happens to do more good than bad. All this in the midst of becoming an adult and figuring out that there is more to life than just what she knows.

I believe in the good of people. I believe that the more people know, the more good they can and will do. I believe that when you offer an opportunity for someone to think and do the right thing, 9 times out of 10, they will do the right thing. If they have an open mind. We must all believe in the possibility that we are wrong. If we do not, our minds are not open. And certainly unwilling to hear the other side.

In light of my friend's comment this morning, I thought about the possibility that I am wrong in my elation of the election of the presidency. I considered the idea that I am wrong in my sorrow that Prop 8 passed. And I questioned whether or not I ought to remain friends with this person who is so openly against many things that I support. And I have made some decisions.

I am not wrong in my elation of Obama being elected our 44th president. This act proves that dreams are possible with hard work and the encouragement of open minds. Obama's landslide victory proves that the people of the United States of America are capable of change and actually believe in the diversity that we live in, versus simply talking about it.

I am not wrong in my sorrow that Prop 8 passed (all though there was a report on KTLA this morning that some 4.5 million vote by mail ballots have yet to be counted in LA County...there is still hope). My sorrow is less in the Prop 8 being (potentially) passed, and more in the Proposition even landing on the ballot. Civil rights ought not be debated, but protected at the highest level. More eloquently, Fannie says: 

"...the civil rights of minority citizens should not be up for majority vote and that it is profoundly un-American to restrict people's rights in constitutional documents that are usually used to grant people's rights."

As for my friendship with this person who feels less free today, I can say that my mind is open. She is a good person and I respect her opinions. I also respectfully (and strongly) disagree with her on some of those opinions. That being said, I cannot look at just the parts, but must sum up her parts to see her whole. She is passionate and humane. I believe she is misguided in certain aspects of her opinions, but overall she means well and has a healthy, kind, giving heart. The fact that we are friends at all gives me hope that one day she will open her mind just a little more and see more of what I see—more of what millions of Americans who voted for Obama see: hope. And change. And the possibility—the probability—that there is more to this life than we can even imagine.

Less Than A Week

I keep thinking about Prop 8. And everything it stands for. And everyone it lets down. It's impossible to me that there are people who still believe in the idea that one type, one kind, one way of thinking, of life is right. And yet, the fact that the Proposition even exists is proof of that. 

A friend of mine has been working on a beautiful love story almost since I've known her. And this love story allows her and her business partner to show us (the choir and all others), one more reason Prop 8 is out of line. The documentary is not yet complete, but you can go to www.OrinBernardoMovie.com to see what it's all about.

As much as I believe we should all be able to be ourselves, to love whomever we choose (which, contrary to popular deluded belief, will not lead to underage children, multiple partners, or goats), and to have the right to marry that person, this is not a matter of simply being who we are, it's a matter of the right to be who we are. The God-given right, if you will. Or more appropriately, the civil liberty. 

Remember that line in the declaration of independence? ...all men are created equal... (I'm sure they meant women, too, right?) Did they mean just white men? Did they mean just Republican men? Just conservative men? Just straight men? If you're looking for translation to "all men", it means ALL men (and since the 1920's, women). All of us. The white ones, the black ones, the mixed ones, the pure bred ones, the women ones, the rich ones, the poor ones, the Independent ones, the Libertarian ones, the Christian ones, the Jewish ones, the Buddhist ones, the smart ones, the handicap ones, the illiterate ones, the graduated ones, the gay ones, the straight ones, the blind ones, the deaf ones, the autistic ones, the patriotic ones, the politically savvy ones, the native ones, the transplant ones, the short ones, the really, really short ones, the overweight ones, the alcoholic ones, the drug addict ones, the hard working blue collar ones, the corporate America ones, the honest ones, the loyal ones, the ones who love pets, the ones who want kids but can't have them, the ones with high school diplomas, the ones who go to work every day and do jobs others don't want to, the left handed ones, the little league playing ones, the hockey playing ones, the football playing ones, the baseball playing ones, the tax paying ones, the melting pot ones...you know...the American ones. 

We're all people. And we all deserve the same rights. The same civil rights. This is not question of morality, it's a question of equality. I'm no Martin Luther King, but I have dreams of my own. That one day I will not be judged by the person I love, but by the content of my character. I'm not suggesting that the brutality against blacks through the '60's (and still to this day, in some places) is the same, but there are certainly parallels. Parallels of inequality (Prop 8), of oppression (Prop 8), of segregation (gay schools are a nice idea...), of hate crimes; these all lead to the truth that the LGBT community is not treated the same as those outside that group. Isn't that discrimination?

Personally, I'm not ready to get married. It doesn't mean that I don't want to, or that I won't. It doesn't mean that I want others who are ready to lose the right. I don't want ANY of us to lose the right on November 4th. It's just civil, equal rights.

8 Against 8 Campaign

I should have posted this yesterday, as yesterday was the first day...and in lieu of yesterday, there is today. 8 lesbian bloggers created this campaign: 

The "8 Against 8" Campaign: 8 Days - 8 Bloggers Against Proposition 8 (October 20, 2008 - October 27, 2008)

This is not only an important issue to the LBGT community, but to the entire population. There were similar arguments (to Prop 8) against women, with regard to voting, and non-white races, with regard to marriage/relationships and simply living life. We cannot afford to slip back into the days of separate but equal--separate but equal is not a state any human deserves to live in. 

There are 8 bloggers, and the one posted above is not done so as a bias, but as they all say relatively the same thing. If you're interested in seeing what each of them have to say about the issue, see the links below:

Pam Spaulding of Pam’s House Blend, 

Dorothy Snarker of Dorothy Surrenders, 

Lori Hahn of Hahn At Home, 

Kelly Leszczynski of The Lesbian Lifestyle, 

Sinclair of Sugarbutch Chronicles, 

Riese of This Girl Called Automatic Win , and 

Renee Gannon of Lesbiatopia.

If you want to read more about the cause, go here. If you want to skip it all and just donate, go here. 

I urge you please, on behalf of Californians, Gays, Lesbians, and Humans alike...NO on Prop 8. Shouldn't we all keep the right to marry for love?

ah, yes...the debate

like a good american, i watched the debate last night. dear god. i'm a registered democrat, but that doesn't mean they get my vote without working for it. i've been known to vote outside my party when i was displeased with the candidate within. this election, however...not so much.

a friend of mine told me that she was "grateful that Gov. Palin 'tolerates'" her, after watching this:

  

yeah...i think i'm grateful, too. but more so that i "chose" this life...you know...as a human being. isn't it great that civil rights are the same for whites and blacks and mexicans and chinese and russians and lebanese in america? just not for any of those people who share a bed and a life and love with a member of the same sex. i love the open-mindedness of a good american politician. oh no wait...

and i digress, for the good of the people:

much has been posted on the debate, so i'll just take a couple of my faves and share them with you:

from: Sarah Six-pack Needs To Put Country First by Stepping Down

Sarah Palin...is, by all indications, a bonafide hooplehead -- so dangerously out of her depth and so delusional -- perhaps blinded by ambition -- that she is in total denial about the real-world ramifications of her ineptitude.

from: VP Debate: Biden-Palin Video, Highlights

9:32 - Nico Pitney:A strange moment in the debate, where Sarah Palin refuses to answer if her ticket would have to pull back on some campaign promises in light of the financial crisis.

Ifill: "As Vice President, there's nothing you've promised as a candidate that you would take off the table because of this financial issue?" Palin: "There is not, and how long have I been at this? Like five weeks?"

10:14 - Jason Linkins: Palin follows the needle-scratch-on-the-record riposte "Say it ain't so, Joe, there ya go again" (TWO CLICHES for the price of ONE!) with a promise that Biden's wife will be rewarded in Heaven for being a teacher. This made me ALL KINDS OF UNCOMFORTABLE

10:17 - Jason Linkins: Palin seems to think that the Constitution allows the Vice President to "flex" between the Executive and the Legislative Branch! GAFFE.

from: Live-Blogging the VP Debate

9:06 - Palin compares the economic meltdown to a kids’ soccer game. I have no words.

9:20 - Biden calls John McCain’s health care plan the “Ultimate Bridge to Nowhere.” Oh… snap!

9:47 - Palin says “nu-ku-lar.” Do Republicans purposely mispronounce “nuclear” to identify themselves to each other?

9:53 - Biden is alternately cross-eyed and wall-eyed. Palin shamelessly humps Israel’s leg. Then Joe Biden humps Israel’s other leg. Israel needs to get some baby wipes and wipe its legs.

10:22 - Palin says that McCain is a “maverick.” Again, and again, and again! Because if you say the word “maverick” enough, it will get him votes! Biden says the word “maverick” repeatedly as well, saying that John McCain is not a maverick. If anyone out there is playing a drinking game based on the amount of times the candidates say the word “maverick” you better call 911. With a quickness.

from: Rosen: The pitbull is back

Oh, the "pitbull" is back. And she and John McCain are still wrong for the country.

Palin's answers in this debate vacillated between disappointing and incoherent. On the most pressing issue facing Americans this week -- the economy -- she had surprisingly little to offer. She repeated the McCain tax cut plan and health care plan.

On Iraq, she was just incoherent. She said something about the surge and Obama and fighting. But it didn't answer the question, which was: What is the right plan for Iraq?

truly, truly a great debate. i have to admit that i and my party were one of the many culprits of debate drinking games. had we started from the beginning and had strict rules, we surely would have needed ambulance assistance. three beers were drunk during my short participation of "drink every time she says a palinism": maverick, alaska, ya (vs. you), words that should end in "ing", foreign policy, references to hockey or moms (or as it turned out, soccer in comparing the economic crisis), etc. and that was only the last half hour. 

ah, yes. good times, indeed.

cheers.

5 Friends, Uncensored

in the hopes that 5 people read this...

and then pass it on so that 5 more and 5 more and 5...you get the idea...

the above video is not censored, but don't worry...you've heard these words before.

fact check

i've been checking my facts. well, not my facts, but palin's & obama's. (mc-who?) 

the facts. factcheck.org. see for yourself. 

some of the things i found interesting: 

the bridge to nowhere thing

the earmark thing

the pigs and pit bulls thing

the health care thing

the iraqi accounting thing

i refuse to believe that either candidate is wholesome and good, with no wrong in their fighting words. i also refuse to believe that either candidate is wholly bad with no good to be said or done. that being said, i think politics is a shady, shady biz. i think we should find out how kindergarten teachers would run the country. we'd nap more. play more (and maybe even play well with others). laugh more. share more. learn more. be held more accountable for cleaning up our own messes.  we might learn to put things back where we found them, or even learn the difference between fact and fiction. hmmm...

my vote for president will go to the one offering mandatory siestas during the work week. i might even go back to work, just for that.