Equality

I can hardly begin to express my frustration, but let me take a crack at it. The California Supreme effing Court just doesn't get it. How is it possible that the Supreme Court of California has decided that the ban on same sex marriage is constitutional? This isn't about people voted on it and I should just deal with it. This is about people voting on rights, which should be disallowed in the first place. 

Murderers are allowed to get married. Murderers. People who take the lives of others. People who willingly and knowingly strip people of their right to live and breath...those people can get married, but me, no I can't. And I'm tired of hearing bullshit arguments of, "Well you can get married, you just have to marry someone of the opposite sex." Well isn't that fancy? 

You can't always get what you want, 

You can't always get what you want,

You can't always get what you want,

But if you try sometimes

You might find

You get what you need. 

~Rolling Stones, of course.

Maybe this loss is just what we need to propel ourselves forward into growth. Maybe this loss is a sign of rampant stagnant behavior in believing that someone else is and will be responsible for making sure my rights are handled neatly and tidily so I don't have to get my proverbial hands dirty. 

---

So that was on Tuesday as the decision was announced. I tend to not act out of anger. It's just how I was raised. It's not about not doing something I'll regret, but taking the best step forward. If I'm angry and haven't processed that part then I tend to not know what the hell I'm talking about and I just spout out silly arguments that sound better in my head than spoken. 

A friend of mine said that the decision was exactly what she expected, but I have to admit that I was a bit disappointed because I really thought that the Court would see that Constitutional rights were being trampled on. I'm still in the midst of processing exactly what the decision means, as far as what action needs to be taken so that I (we) may realize equality in rights around marriage.

There are arguments that state calling it marriage is the whole issue and as long as we (the gays) don't call it marriage, then we can have all the rights we want. There are arguments that state that not calling it marriage keeps a same sex [married] relationship different and somehow less meaningful than a heterosexual marriage by simply changing the word. This argument states that there is a specific connotation that comes with marriage, that connotation being that it's a permanent relationship and unless it's called "marriage" it's just not the same in the public's eye. There are the arguments that marriage ought to be between a man and a woman because that's the way that God intended it. And of course there are countless other arguments around this issue that I could spend all day recounting.

At the moment, I have no problem with calling marriage between same sex couples something other than "marriage" as long as the rights of each institution are equal. My inclination is to believe that no matter what "it" is legally named, it will end up just like Kleenex. If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it must be a duck. So really, call it whatever you want to because to me, it doesn't matter what you think of my relationship--I'm not in it to please you. I'm in it to fulfill myself and my partner in sharing love, growing individually and as a couple, and everything that comes along with those paths.

My relationship with another woman has only the effect on another couple's relationship that they choose to allow it to have. One can choose to see my relationship as one of love and trust and support and partnership and growth and fun and struggle and learning; just like many heterosexual relationships. And of course there are other ways to view my relationship, but to do so is to ignore the truth of what the relationship is: love and growth. 

I challenge anyone who believes that God disapproves of my same sex relationship to look at your own life and address the things that God disapproves in your life and relationship before you go judging mine. I have my own relationship with God, and it doesn't include the judgement anyone else brings.

And as for Prop 8 being upheld, my first thoughts included: "This state sucks!" and, "Maybe it's time to get out of this place," and, "How can this progressive state be so shockingly stand-still?" I'm allowed my initial thoughts to flee. I'm glad I don't act on impulse. Because the reality is that California is a great state. I love living here, and this issue is not enough to get me out of here. And learning takes time. 

I'm willing to be a part of an action that brings California back to a state of grace, back to a place where people can come as they are and simply just be themselves. I am willing to fight for the things I believe in. I am willing to be a part of something greater than myself so that people after me can benefit from things I never had or things I had to struggle for. I hope that someday the GLBT community has the opportunity to take our equal rights for granted, and that we never do. 

Acceptance

I've been working on a chapter of 7 Days over the past couple of weeks, possibly titled: Acceptance. What began as an exploration into the acceptance of my father's death, both before and after it became reality, has turned into so much more. I'm reflecting on the level of acceptance we'd each held for each other, and the thresholds we each had for such. I could accept that my father was a Christian man and lived his life as such, but I drew the line at accepting any and all words into my ears upon hearing the words "church," "faith," "God," or the likes. And if I stopped listening when he talked, was that really me accepting him for who he was? 

We had a conversation just before he died about religion and the ways in which it's affected our relationship, and I came to realize that we'd never have had that conversation if not for his imminent death shadowing his every move. This conversation catapulted us into feverish acceptance, given the "knowledge" that he'd be gone soon(er, rather than later). There were questions like: "Why don't you ever ask about _______ when you know she's my girlfriend?" and "What do you believe about God, Dian??"; then statements like: "She's not my friend; she's my girlfriend--you can acknowledge that even if you don't like it."; and "I don't necessarily believe that you'll go to Hell anymore...". 

All this (and more, which I'll leave for the book for now) from the knowledge of his death, looming around the corner, not knowing which corner but being able to smell it if we put our nose to the ground like a hound, in the air like a retriever. And we were not wrong, unfortunately so. I wanted to believe we were wrong about how close his death actually was, but there's a knowing that comes in the form of a gut feeling, a twisted knot deep in the belly that tightens and sickens the days away, beckoning questions unasked and statements unstated to be asked and stated and put out in the open air so they can live and breathe and not die with the man sitting in the sunken couch with cushions that ought to have been replaced years ago, just as these things ought to have been aired. 

And what comes at the end, but acceptance? Of the man sitting in front of me. Of the woman standing before him. Of the death waiting around the bend. Of the cancer buried deep in the man. Of the lesbian buried deep in the woman. Of the love for each and all of these things, these people. Of the idea that one can believe what one believes and that belief is not tarnished or broken or made irrelevant by another's belief in the opposite. In the end, there was acceptance of all that we were, all that we tried to be and all that was left over. In the end there was acceptance of a father and a daughter and a death that could not tear the two apart. 

The Human Soul Project

A little over a year ago I started a project with my best friend. We had the best of intentions, but a little dash of turmoil, a sprinkle of chaos, and a whole lot of "holy crap, what now" and voila: project on hiatus before it really got started. 

I just finished reading The Power of Focus by Jack Canfield, and am re-inspired to stop doing things that don't inspire me and start doing things that do. And with that, I'm revamping The Human Soul Project. Briefly, the Project is looking for coming out stories that inspire the soul. For details, visit http://humansoulproject.blogspot.com.

I'm in the process of contacting Jack Canfield's office to see if this idea can be added to The Chicken Soup for the Soul series. A small note: the submission guidelines for stories suggest that Chicken Soup for the Soul(tm) stories are "NOT" about controversial issues. Coming out is for sure controversial, but the guidelines also specify that the story must "uplift and inspire." Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, is it not? In the meantime, the plan is to take submissions from readers and writers everywhere, and get it published ourselves.

What would inspire me to start such a project?

I remember the fear I had of coming out to my father in my mid-twenties. He had become a born again Christian by then, which was probably my main fear in telling him. I'd always known him to be a decent guy. Only once did I ever see him truly angry, and that was to come to my defense when he felt my grandfather was attacking me. I had no reason to believe that he would be angry with me, disown me, stop loving me, or think less of me in any way. But there it was. The fear that all these things would come true. I feared that his love of God would overrule his love for me, and that I would no longer be deserving of my father's love once I told him I was gay. It took me nearly 2 years to work up the courage after using excuse after excuse for not telling him. And when I finally did, my fears were unfounded.

My father and I dialogued, although not regularly, about what he viewed as my "choice" to act on feelings for the same sex. As I was just trying to figure it all out for myself, it was difficult to explain it to someone else. And it took me years to be comfortable with who I knew myself to be, regardless of what others thought. Most of my friends were straight. My coworkers. My family. I had done all this searching for myself, my soul, my self and was discouraged by the misunderstanding of who I was by nearly everyone I knew. Sure there were people I knew of who were gay, but they weren't me. They didn't know what I was going through. They couldn't possibly. 

If I could have read stories about others who had come out, others who put their fears on paper, their doubts, and then detailed how they overcame those fears, detailed how they triumphed, how they survived, I might have found the strength to be honest not only with myself, but with my father much sooner than I was. I might have added 2 years to of understanding to our relationship had I found the strength to come out sooner. 

So if just one of the stories we end up publishing helps someone find that strength, then this is all worth it. The whole point of life is to live it, love it, and help others do the same. We are all human. We all have emotions. We all feel good, we all feel bad. And we all go through slumps. We all need to be uplifted, to be inspired...we all need to feel connected. And that's what the Human Soul Project is all about.

This first Project is about coming out. The next project will be about...well now, I can't give everything away. Let's see how this project goes and then we'll get started on the next one. What I can tell you is that the vision and purpose of the Human Soul Project will remain the same: to create inspiration for the Human Soul everywhere. 

On This Day

In light of today's National Protest Against Prop 8:

1969

About 250,000 protesters against the Vietnam War, the largest war protest ever, converged peacefully on Washington, DC.

Now typically I'm not against anything...I'd rather be FOR equal rights than against discrimination...positively speaking. But since they went ahead and made all those fancy posters, let's make today's protest the largest anti-gay discrimination protest ever, and follow suit in converging peacefully across the nation.

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.

~Mother Teresa

Real Quick...

I find myself if a conundrum. Civil rights ought not be voted upon, but the only way to get one of my civil rights back is to vote on it. 

Read this petition to re-open Prop 8

Sign it. 

And put your energy towards being part of a free nation that does not base civil rights on religious beliefs.

Seems Gloria Allred isn't satisfied after the election, either (Advocate.com):

Robin Tyler and Diane Olson, the first plaintiff couple named in the historic lawsuit that overturned California's ban on gay marriage and the first same-sex couple married in Los Angeles County in June, wasted no time filing a new lawsuit with California’s supreme court Wednesday morning.

Read the details here.

And have yourselves a lovely Thursday.

Less Than A Week

I keep thinking about Prop 8. And everything it stands for. And everyone it lets down. It's impossible to me that there are people who still believe in the idea that one type, one kind, one way of thinking, of life is right. And yet, the fact that the Proposition even exists is proof of that. 

A friend of mine has been working on a beautiful love story almost since I've known her. And this love story allows her and her business partner to show us (the choir and all others), one more reason Prop 8 is out of line. The documentary is not yet complete, but you can go to www.OrinBernardoMovie.com to see what it's all about.

As much as I believe we should all be able to be ourselves, to love whomever we choose (which, contrary to popular deluded belief, will not lead to underage children, multiple partners, or goats), and to have the right to marry that person, this is not a matter of simply being who we are, it's a matter of the right to be who we are. The God-given right, if you will. Or more appropriately, the civil liberty. 

Remember that line in the declaration of independence? ...all men are created equal... (I'm sure they meant women, too, right?) Did they mean just white men? Did they mean just Republican men? Just conservative men? Just straight men? If you're looking for translation to "all men", it means ALL men (and since the 1920's, women). All of us. The white ones, the black ones, the mixed ones, the pure bred ones, the women ones, the rich ones, the poor ones, the Independent ones, the Libertarian ones, the Christian ones, the Jewish ones, the Buddhist ones, the smart ones, the handicap ones, the illiterate ones, the graduated ones, the gay ones, the straight ones, the blind ones, the deaf ones, the autistic ones, the patriotic ones, the politically savvy ones, the native ones, the transplant ones, the short ones, the really, really short ones, the overweight ones, the alcoholic ones, the drug addict ones, the hard working blue collar ones, the corporate America ones, the honest ones, the loyal ones, the ones who love pets, the ones who want kids but can't have them, the ones with high school diplomas, the ones who go to work every day and do jobs others don't want to, the left handed ones, the little league playing ones, the hockey playing ones, the football playing ones, the baseball playing ones, the tax paying ones, the melting pot ones...you know...the American ones. 

We're all people. And we all deserve the same rights. The same civil rights. This is not question of morality, it's a question of equality. I'm no Martin Luther King, but I have dreams of my own. That one day I will not be judged by the person I love, but by the content of my character. I'm not suggesting that the brutality against blacks through the '60's (and still to this day, in some places) is the same, but there are certainly parallels. Parallels of inequality (Prop 8), of oppression (Prop 8), of segregation (gay schools are a nice idea...), of hate crimes; these all lead to the truth that the LGBT community is not treated the same as those outside that group. Isn't that discrimination?

Personally, I'm not ready to get married. It doesn't mean that I don't want to, or that I won't. It doesn't mean that I want others who are ready to lose the right. I don't want ANY of us to lose the right on November 4th. It's just civil, equal rights.

8 Against 8 Campaign

I should have posted this yesterday, as yesterday was the first day...and in lieu of yesterday, there is today. 8 lesbian bloggers created this campaign: 

The "8 Against 8" Campaign: 8 Days - 8 Bloggers Against Proposition 8 (October 20, 2008 - October 27, 2008)

This is not only an important issue to the LBGT community, but to the entire population. There were similar arguments (to Prop 8) against women, with regard to voting, and non-white races, with regard to marriage/relationships and simply living life. We cannot afford to slip back into the days of separate but equal--separate but equal is not a state any human deserves to live in. 

There are 8 bloggers, and the one posted above is not done so as a bias, but as they all say relatively the same thing. If you're interested in seeing what each of them have to say about the issue, see the links below:

Pam Spaulding of Pam’s House Blend, 

Dorothy Snarker of Dorothy Surrenders, 

Lori Hahn of Hahn At Home, 

Kelly Leszczynski of The Lesbian Lifestyle, 

Sinclair of Sugarbutch Chronicles, 

Riese of This Girl Called Automatic Win , and 

Renee Gannon of Lesbiatopia.

If you want to read more about the cause, go here. If you want to skip it all and just donate, go here. 

I urge you please, on behalf of Californians, Gays, Lesbians, and Humans alike...NO on Prop 8. Shouldn't we all keep the right to marry for love?

5 Friends, Uncensored

in the hopes that 5 people read this...

and then pass it on so that 5 more and 5 more and 5...you get the idea...

the above video is not censored, but don't worry...you've heard these words before.