Outlines and Honor

I've never been much of an outliner. How do I know what I'm going to write before I write it? I write much better when I don't have any idea what I'm even going to write about when I sit down to write. That's my style. Half the time when I blog, I barely have a word in my head to run with when I start. Which may give the sense that I don't know what I'm talking about or where I'm going in the beginning, but I usually manage to bring it all around by the end. 

Writing with deadlines and minimum or exact word requirements haven't always worked well for me, either. I tend to leave it to the last minute and then throw something together. Sometimes it works out to be brilliant, and other times it's just a mess. I think my best work comes when I'm not thinking at all about what I'm writing, but merely getting lost in whatever it is. 

Which is why writing this book has been so challenging for me. I've written hundreds of pages and thousands of words, and while it all makes sense when I'm writing it, I seem to have no idea of how to put it all together when I'm done. This has come up in some of my life coach sessions, since part of the reason I have a coach is to be coached through finishing my book and ultimately getting it published. One of my coach's suggestions was to get an outline together. But I already said I don't really work well with outlines. Or maybe I do...

I've taken the hundreds of pages and put them in their respective chapters (although I still have no idea as to the order of these chapters), and have begun to see that the writing itself is not so great, but the process of having written has served me well. I'm now going through the chapters and creating an outline, based on the details within. It seems so simple, now, to create an outline, based on what I've already written. Paradigm shift.

And although I tend to work best without an agenda, I'm finding that all I need is a spark of inspiration to propel me into my vision. A quick look at the outline, and I can brainstorm about where I was and what I felt and my thoughts and plans and fears. Where before there were words on pages that somehow went together but I didn't know how, a structure emerges, and the pages begin to make sense. I'm beginning to really see the fruits of my efforts, and more importantly, I'm taking action and working towards the goal I'd set for myself: finish the book. 

I'm learning that by honoring myself in writing and believing in myself to do so, I'm also honoring my father. Which was the idea in beginning the book, in the first place. By tossing out what I previously believed (I don't work well with outlines), and trying a different approach, I've become better at being me. Which means I'm growing. And for me, that's the whole idea in living life.